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The tale of Brock Purdy

Brock Purdy reflection

By: Jake Rajala

Brock Purdy has been seen as the second coming of Tom Brady. Brady was taken in the sixth round, while Purdy was a seventh round pick. 49er Faithful was thankful that he came out strong and proved to be more efficient than Jimmy G. Sure, Jimmy G has a nice jawline. Nonetheless, he has only thrown over 20 touchdowns in a single season once in his career.

Purdy has been a man on a mission. He went 5-0 in his rookie season. Not bad for a “project” quarterback. He unleashed 31 passing touchdowns to 11 interceptions in his sophomore season. Furthermore, he went 12-4 in the same season. Sadly, he hasn’t won a Super Bowl ring yet. It’s not a complete surprise given his head coach, Kyle Shanahan, coughed up a 28-3 lead in the Super Bowl when he was with the Atlanta Falcons.

Purdy has a lot of help from Christian McCaffrey, who won Offensive Player of the Year in 2023. It may be a surprise that he’s an elite running back in the league. He also had Deebo Samuel in his arsenal, who was an All-Pro. Sadly, they moved him to Washington.

When Mr. Irrelevant was injured, he was replaced by Mac Jones. Jones went 5-3 with the 49ers. I wouldn’t say there’s a QB controversy. After all, they are paying Purdy five years for $265 million dollars. I expect Jones to be traded to a team like Miami or Cleveland.

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The tale of Matthew Stafford

Reflecting on Matthew Stafford

By: Jake Rajala

In college, we got to know both sides of Matthew Stafford. He unleashed 13 ints to 7 touchdowns as a freshman. His girlfriend once dated his backup (as shown below). Clearly, this propelled him to win two Bowl MVPs as a junior.

The former Georgia QB who looks like the leader of a frat house, Matthew Stafford, has been infamous for throwing 4,500+ passing yards and double digit interceptions at the same time. He’s a poor man’s version of Brett Favre.

As of late, the Stafford to Puka Nacua connection has been on fire. Stafford is first in passing yards, while Puka is second in receiving yards. It helps that they have Sean McVay, who has a boatload of confidence. He dates a model, yet he manages to wake up at 4 am.

In all seriousness, the gunslinger (Stafford) should still go into the Hall of Fame. He has the same number of Super Bowl rings as Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers and one more than Philip Rivers. Furthermore, he could very well have another Super Bowl ring and an MVP trophy.

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The tale of Sam Darnold

The story of Sam Darnold

By: Jake Rajala

Sam Darnold was drafted third overall in 2018. It seemed like a disgrace that Darnold was drafted ahead of Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson. After all, each of those two quarterbacks have won MVP. We can’t blame it all on Darnold early on. He was on Adam Gase’s island. Yes, I’m talking about the head coach who once showcased a stare like Elizabeth Holmes (as shown below).

He wasn’t quite on the same level at USC as talented as Matt Leinart. Leinart shouldn’t feel alone about being one of the best CFB QBs to sputter out in the pros. Kellen Moore had a 50-3 record in college, yet he was a backup on Dallas fetching coffee for Tony Romo.

Darnold was brought back from the dead in 2024. His personal best win count was 7, which came in 2019. He doubled that figure with 14 wins in 2024. I’m not saying he was on the same level as Brett Favre for the Vikings, who brought them to the NFC Championship. However, it’s safe to say he was much more prolific than J.J. McCarthy, who unleashed 0 points against Darnold’s team in Week 13. It was quite poetic. The Vikings sit at 5-8. Let it be known that even Christian Ponder even had a winning record in his second season and brought the Vikings to the playoffs!

Darnold is 28 years old. It would be a shame if I didn’t make a Philip Rivers joke, by saying Darnold may be able to play for 16 more years. It also helps Darnold that he has Jaxon Smith-Njigba, who is only 23 years old!

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Let’s not forget about Joe Flacco

Joe Flacco is alive

By: Jake Rajala

Philip Rivers is all over the news for being a “44” year old QB. Even the “42” year old QB, Aaron Rodgers, got in on the fun by giving his take on the “mainstream” news. Well, let’s not forget there is another old QB that deserves attention. This would be none other Joe “Cool” Flacco, also known as the QB who has a Super Bowl trophy, which can’t be said by Rivers.

Flacco could be competing at a place that could be his true home for a couple of seasons. Joe Burrow has expressed that he is no longer having fun throwing a football for “hundreds of millions of dollars”. Wouldn’t it be a scene to witness the 29 year old, Joe Burrow, pass the torch to 40 year old Joe Flacco? Many may say it’s a lock to get a future first overall pick. Well, I believe Flacco would be more competitive than someone like Rivers or Justin Fields.

Then again, it wouldn’t be a complete surprise if Flacco hung up his cleats after this season. If this comes to fruition, then they are stuck with Jake Browning right now. I believe the Bengals fan base would rather see Carson Palmer come out of retirement than Browning play another down for them.

If the Bengals decide that they don’t want Flacco, who has a 2-8 record for them, and he decides to play another season, he will have to seek another home. Perhaps he could be the backup to a team that has a real chance of winning the Super Bowl. This team could be the Indianapolis Colts! If Rivers can come back from the dead for them, then Flacco could follow in the footsteps of Matt Ryan and Rivers by playing a few seasons for them.

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Joe Burrow isn’t having fun anymore

Burrow is sad

By: Jake Rajala

As widely reported, Joe Burrow doesn’t appear to be having fun with the game of football anymore. He has a Top-3 wide receiver tandem (in Ja’Marr Chase and Tee Higgins), and he would be pushing for a playoff spot if he didn’t get hurt this season. Yet, he has Andrew Luck syndrome and could retire at 29, which happened to be the same age that Luck hung up his cleats.

Perhaps Burrow would be having fun if he could smoke cigars in the Bengals locker room (just as he did after the CFB Championship). It’s not fair that he can’t couldn’t rip a stogie before a game.

Hendrickson and Burrow can’t be happy with their defense, which gives up more points than any other team. Burrow knows how his idol, Drew Brees, felt after he had many years with the worst NFL defense.

I know Burrow would be having more fun if he wasn’t missing his second former LSU pal, Justin Jefferson. Let it be known that Jefferson isn’t exactly having a lot of fun with the potentially worst starting QB in the league in J.J. McCarthy. The swap would still be a pipe dream, given that Jefferson is the Vikings best player by a long shot. The potential Jefferson trade from the Vikings would have to be more dull than the Cowboys shipping off Micah Parsons.

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Why don’t the Colts sign Kap?

Will the Colts sign another QB?

By: Jake Rajala

We all know the news: The Indianapolis Colts signed the 44 year old quarterback, Philip Rivers. If they want to think outside the box, they should consider targeting the 38 year old dual threat QB, Colin Kaepernick. He still has stayed in shape and has respect from the likes of his former coach Jim Harbaugh. That doesn’t mean that every owner might be scared to death of signing him and having many angry, drunk fans booing him.

It seems like the Colts are content with their QB room after signing Rivers. Nonetheless, let’s not forget he threw 20 interceptions in his second to last season, so it’s far from certain that he will be an acceptable game manager.

Unfortunately, the Colts couldn’t lure Eli Manning out of retirement. Perhaps he would be bitter and have Rivers replace him once again (just as he made the Chargers trade him for Rivers at the 2004 Draft).

What about the other legendary, first ballot Hall of Famers? Would Tom Brady or Drew Brees come out of retirement? My idol, Brees, would likely have the worst YPA in NFL history with his right shoulder. As for the GOAT, I believe he needs to focus on improving a Las Vegas Raiders team that is tied for the NFL’s worst record and making Al Davis roll over in his grave.

Don’t even get me started with Brett Favre.

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Will Myles Garrett break the sack record?

Will Garrett really break the sack record?

By: Jake Rajala

Cleveland Browns fans should be grateful that the former first overall pick, Myles Garrett, hasn’t flipped teams, just as Reggie White, J.J. Watt, and Micah Parsons have. Garrett is still honed in on being a Hall of Famer for one team (Cleveland Browns), even if that team loses to the Tennessee Titans and has a long history of failing to draft the right quarterback.

Garrett has 20 sacks on the season already. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean he is making his defense as seismic as the ’85 Bears defense. They still sit at 17th in PPG allowed on the season. Garrett needs a partner. The Houston Texans have the right formula, as they have Danielle Hunter and Will Anderson.

If Garrett really breaks the record, he will get to shove it in T.J. Watt’s face twice a season, as Watt holds the sack record with Michael Strahan. He will also cement himself as the best Brown of the century.

In all honesty, Garrett should go from a lock of making it into the Hall of Fame, to a lock as a “first ballot” Hall of Famer after this season. The stud Browns pass rusher who loves Anime just needs to find a way to get a Super Bowl ring. I will be serious and say that Shedeur Sanders may be their answer at QB, at least.

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Philip Rivers joins the Colts

The Colts sign Philip Rivers

By: Jake Rajala

Philip Rivers has come back from the dead and joined the Indianapolis Colts. The Colts have a thing or two for old QBs. They tried the Matt Ryan experiment, but Matty Ice was clearly washed up.

Perhaps they should have called Andrew Luck to come out of retirement. He’s only 36 years old. He doesn’t have grandkids, like Rivers does.

If Rivers can’t sling the ball like he did in 2020, perhaps Indy should call Tom Brady or Brett Favre and try to lure one of them out of retirement.

Rivers was a first ballot Hall of Famer in my book. He just delayed his time until he gets a gold jacket. Sure, he had four seasons of 18+ interceptions. Nonetheless, he still found a way to win at the end of the day. After all, he did have a record of 134-106.

I don’t want to completely disrespect Rivers, but I still expect it to be the Jonathan Taylor show. In Peyton Manning’s last days in the league, the best thing he did was arguably hand the ball off and make short passes to his weapons. I expect that to be the case with Rivers.

On the bright side, Rivers returns to a team that he bled for already. Of course, he played for the Colts and, even led them to an 11-5 record in his final season. Colts fans can shake the dust off their Rivers jerseys and wear them on game day.

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Jason Pierre Paul returns to the Buccaneers

JPP is back from the dead

By: Jake Rajala

The intriguing news in West Florida is out: Jason Pierre-Paul has returned to the Buccaneers practice squad. JPP is back from his retirement home with Ndamukong Suh and Robert Gronkowski, and ready to wreak havoc. Let’s not discriminate against JPP because he’s missing his right index finger. If Brett Favre can play with a broken right thumb, then JPP can compete on the DL with his hand from his fourth of July accident.

The former New York Giant isn’t exactly returning to a Bucs team that is a Super Bowl contender again. We’re talking about a Bucs team that just lost to the Aints. Baker Mayfield is also playing like a journeyman QB again. He’s 1-4 in his five past contests. Dare I say it, the Panthers are 7-6 and may win the NFC South over the Bucs.

JPP isn’t the only old buck at DL in the league. Cameron Jordan is 36 years old and he still has 6.5 sacks on the season. Furthermore, Calais Campbell is 39 years old, and he’s still mowing down his competition.

Justin Tuck, who once had the most terrifying facemask, once showed the ropes to JPP. Of course, JPP won a Super Bowl with the GMEN in 2012. Even if JPP doesn’t stick with the Bucs for long, he can show a thing or two, to the young Bucs defenders.

I’d love to see JPP go out swinging in the playoffs. He can inspire other players to come out of retirement late in seasons. You shouldn’t have to be a QB or kicker to play “America’s Game” in your late 30s.

After JPP officially retires, he could very well land a career in acting. We can’t give Chase Young the nickname, “Predator”, when JPP literally has the perfect size and hands for the role.

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Let’s get to know Ryan Fitzpatrick

Ryan Fitzpatrick is a myth

By: Jake Rajala

Ryan Fitzpatrick, also known as Fitzmagic, is known quite well for a couple of reasons. He has a wicked beard. He looks like a caveman or an ancient philosopher. He is also quite known for being a journeyman QB. This means we don’t have enough fingers to count where he’s been.

Fitzmagic also went to a college by the name of Harvard. This happens to be the same college that Conan O’Brien went to. It’s no surprise that Fitz recorded a 48 out of 50 on the Wonderlic score! Unfortunately, that couldn’t help him be a true franchise QB on a team.

I would have loved to see Fitz make one Pro Bowl in his career. Just one.

Fitzmagic finished with 223 passing touchdowns to 169 interceptions. He sadly recorded a record of 59-87-1.

His best season came in 2015, where he unleashed a 10-6 record for the New York Jets. He threw 31 passing touchdowns to 15 ints. If Mark Sanchez can bring the Jets to the AFC Championship, then Fitz sure as hell can have a winning record with them. Fitz’s large personality fit in well with NY.

The best play of Fitz’s career came when he played for the Miami Dolphins, and he converted a throw to Mack Hollins with the defensive lineman pulling his facemask. He put his team in field goal range for the win.

The eccentric journeyman QB has taken his efforts to being an analyst for Thursday Night Football Prime. He gives his analysis on Thursday, also known as a day when nobody wants to play football.

Godspeed, Fitzmagic.

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